The Little Colony of Pissants
A long, long time ago, in the rolling green hills of eastern Africa, on a little island in the middle of a pond, there was an enormous earthen mound, an entire hill, full of ants. Several hundred million ants lived in the mound. There were neighbor mounds to the north and south, and the ants could cross the pond to visit lots of other mounds, too. The ants were always arguing about who should be the leader ants, and how to run things properly for the betterment of the mound.
A tiny few of them were pissants, and the little pissants were wired funny. They believed all sorts of crazy things, like that ants never went to the Moon or about controlled explosions in the WTC. They never trusted the leader ants not to be hiding some big ugly secret that was bad for ants. And they got really excited when they decided something was just plain WRONG.
For a long time, the existence of a tiny percentage of tiny little pissants didn't matter too much.
For a long time, the ants were grouped in large and small colonies spread all over the huge mound, so that it was difficult for ants to talk to each other. Only a very, very few ants, like political leaders and movie stars and news anchors, could communicate with ALL the other ants at once. 99.99% of the ants could talk to only one ant at a time, long distance. So if there were only one or two little pissants in a colony of ten thousand ants, they couldn't make a lot of noise. The other ants in the colony would simply ignore them, unless they did something dangerous.
It was hard for them to find other pissants to bond with, too. They were lonely little pissants.
Then some really smart engineer ants built a system of toobz so that every ant in the mound could talk to all the other ants and share ideas and recipes. And the genius engineer ants kept improving the toobz over the years. Soon, you could send all sorts of things through the toobz. You could even pass money through the toobz and get something in return (or not, if you clicked the wrong PayPal button). The toobz worked really well and kept getting better all the time. The toobz took over the planet.
But there was an unexpected development: suddenly the little pissants discovered they were able to talk to one another, too. They found out that in a mound of three hundred million ants, there were thousands and thousands of other little pissants who were wired just as funny as they were, and would agree with them that something was just plain WRONG, even if it was based on a crazy idea. Far as I'm aware, the Trufers were the first pissant proto-colony in the toobz.
Then the mound had a big election, and chose a new leader ant, who was very different than the previous leader ant. And the little pissants on the losing side couldn't believe it. They were shocked and outraged. They were certain that the new leader came from some other mound across the pond, or that he couldn't be leader ant if one of his parents wasn't a citizen of the mound, and lot of other crazy ideas like that ... swine flu wiping out the population, survivors put in FEMA concentration camps, death panels, communist dictatorship established by Chairman Obama ... your basic living nightmare on steroids.
They were certain that he secretly hated the mound itself and everything he did as the leader ant was going to really cause problems for the mound. They were scared sh!tless. They hated him SO MUCH.
So they formed a colony in the toobz, made up entirely of little pissants. Angry little pissants, who believed all sorts of crazy things. Little pissants who thought there was something just plain WRONG about the new leader ant.
And pissant chiefs rose up among the new little colony of pissants. Chiefs who said, "We must take this to the judiciary ants!"
And follower pissants who chanted in unison "Where is the birth certificate?" and "Born on U.S. soil to two U.S. citizen parents!"
There were fewer than a dozen chief pissants, and they were supposed to be experts at explaining things to the judiciary ants. They put PayPal buttons on their toobz, and raked in a lot of cash. The follower pissants were sure that the chiefs would get rid of the new leader ant, and put things right, if they clicked that button. And the chief pissants really did try hard. They went to judiciary ants all over the mound, trying to convince them that there had been a terrible mistake of Biblical proportions. But the judiciary ants wouldn't listen. As it turned out, the chief pissants weren't really expert at explaining things to judiciary ants after all. They tried and they tried, but they had a basic problem that was impossible to overcome. They were little pissants, too. They sucked at explaining things.
This made all the little pissants even angrier. They didn't know, and didn't want to believe, that the chiefs were just little pissants like themselves, with the same crazy ideas (but with a law license or a radio show). They still thought the chiefs were brilliant, and were totally devoted to RESTORING THE MOUND. They thought the chief pissants were great heroes. Just yesterday, I heard Ed Hale explaining to some dufus preacher from Florida that Leo and The Pidge are the two finest lawyers in this great mound of ours, and that the day those two join forces (which ol' Ed is fixin' to work on) will be the day we get our mound back. I'm serial. He said that.
So when the chief pissants didn't make the slightest progress in getting rid of the leader ant, the little pissants decided there was a plot by the judiciary ants and the congress ants and a lot of other evil ants to ignore and belittle their new little colony and hurt their feelings. They thought there was a huge conspiracy to protect the leader ant who they thought was just plain WRONG. The frustration was giving them even crazier ideas. They tried forming fake pissant grand juries. They tried to organize mass demonstrations of little pissants. They yelled at their congress ants on YouTube. And some of the chief pissants turned on each other, which didn't help things.
Of course, since the little pissants were completely wrong about the leader ant -- since the only reason they believed all the crazy ideas was they were wired funny -- hardly any of the other ants in the mound paid much attention to them. They were just about totally ignored. Maybe even rudely ignored.
The longer they failed to remove the leader ant, and the longer they were ignored, the angrier the little pissants got. But being an angry little pissant all day can take an emotional toll on you, so at the same time they all tried to keep reassuring each other that someday REAL SOON, all the hundreds of millions of other ants in the mound would suddenly realize that the little pissants were right all along. They kept telling each other that "any day now," they were gonna finally get rid of the leader ant, which they knew was probably not true. I mean, it's been over a year since Phil filed the first case, and they're STILL saying "any day now". Last week BlackEagle posted a list of specific dates and predictions that ended with Obama in cuffs before the 15th of next month.
Reassuring and cheering each other like that made the pissants feel just a little better, even if the evil leader ant seemed to have built up a hugely impressive record of totally ignoring them and letting the various attorney general ants do their jobs. As long as they could read the other little pissants saying "any day now" in the toobz, they could console themselves for their feelings of rejection. They could still hold out hope that there would suddenly be a huge turnaround, the light would go on in the whole ant community, and the little pissants would be victorious after all. Idjit the Hunnybun called it "the OMG moment". He said that four months ago.
Meanwhile, here and there were a scattered, tiny few individual ants who were both amused by the silly antics of the little pissants, and concerned about the implications of having a whole new colony of angry little pissants in the mound, even if it did exist only in the toobz. This tiny few were mesmerized by the hatred, the willful self-deception, and the baffing inability to evaluate competing arguments and evidence and manage to reach accurate or valid judgments. These scattered individual obot ants started paying attention to the conversations by the little pissants on the toobz. They tried to reason with the little pissants, by writing to them through the toobz. The obot ants tried hard to rationally explain why the little pissants' ideas were crazy. We all tried, didn't we, children? God knows we tried. We're still trying, to this very day.
Then one day late last January a couple of obot ants announced a tiny colony of their own, and the PJ ants have been drifting in from all over the world ever since. There are PJ ants on four continents. We're getting great new contributor ants all the time ... we're averaging about 280 posts a day ... and we've managed to produce, as a group, far more results than the entire colony of the little pissants, who far outnumber us. We have PJ member ants who have written nationally-read stories in a number of media outlets, we have blogger ants who have produced invaluable investigation and analysis, we have lawyer ants who could crush the little chief pissants using only mind control, and we have dozens and dozens of non-lawyer, non-blogger, non-media, regular ol' member ants who often make contributions and observations that leave all the other PJ ants gaping in awe. Plus, some of you are funny as shit. We have obot ant reporters at almost all the major court hearings nationwide. This time, our team may be up against a national story by Fox News, so Orly says. We've established a reputation and and a level of credibility that gives us the authority to correct any distortions or misstatements and make our version stick. The whole colony of little pissants knows us and fears us and tries like heck to block us from talking to them in the toobz. We're a force.
I'm 56 years old. I didn't even see a Color Tee Vee until I was 6 or 7. Cars didn't have air conditioning. Dinosaurs roamed the Earth. Now I'm in an online colony of obot ants that exists only in the toobz, yet is somehow real, as far as I know. I'm living in a world beyond the scope of my imagination.
... to be discontinued ... inspired by something REALITY CHECK wrote, long ago ...
... then one day I found some birthers on my planet.