Yeah, sure, like you're a world famous civil rights leader, decedent, constitutional lawyer and patriotic freedom fighter!

Similar experience by my tire store.

Does that make it a conspiracy? Maybe "they" are trying to take you out too, as a cover for their nefarious plans.

Looking back, there have been at least two attempts on my life since I began birther debunking. I could have been stranded on a desert road out of cell tower range and unable to reach AAA. I might have died of dehydration or heat stroke. I am very lucky that it cost me only $600 to replace the tires, instead of costing me my life.

This is a dangerous profession.

I picked up a nail while driving on a county road on my way to work. I was in redneck country. That was obviously an attempt on my life.

I worked construction during my last 3 summers of high school, as well as intermittently throughout college and law school. "Picking up a nail" was a fairly regular occurrence for 10 years of my life. However, it certainly didn't end there. In the last 12 years of my life, despite no longer frequenting construction site, between my wife and I, I'd guess that we've had 5 or 6 occasions when we've had to have a tire plugged because we've run over a nail or screw that embedded itself in a tire.

I guess I never realized that I had been the target of nefarious and potentially life-threatening doins' for all these years. Damn! I'd have certainly filed a complaint with law enforcement when I was 16 and it first happened (ummm, on a roofing job). You know, come to think of it, Orly did her mail-order-bride arrival in the U.S. the year I turned 16 in December.

Things that make you go hmmmm.

Or hmmmpf.

I was at Sam's Club [where I usually have my assassination attempts plugged] when a woman walking behind me evidently tried finishing me off.

Luckily, I was able to pull my shoe back on without incident.

Hmmm ... I was about to take a bike ride two weeks ago, when I noticed my front tire was flat. I removed the tube, and found a hole, on the side facing the rim. Clearly, someone tried to off me, using a reverse BB.

Walking from my car to the office today, I noticed a screw laying in the road. I just casually picked it up and threw it on the trash.

Is my life now in danger for stopping this assassination attempt?

Two attempts? Meh, a mere amateur.

I think there's a name for Orly's factitious disorder: Munchausen Syndrome by Pleading

But going into redneck country is suicidal.

It would be hard to attribute cause to your death should you die of unnatural causes in redneck country.

You people have RUINED me! My daughter just came in and said she was late getting home because she had a screw in her tire and had to get it repaired. Of course, I burst into hysterical laughter for no apparent reason. I only made things worse by asking her if she reported the assassination attempt to the police.

Us people??? No. This must be laid at Orly's door.

I raised three daughters. If they came home and mentioned the word "screw" I would have been most pleased that it involved the type of story you mention above.

We raised ours by the Mary Jo Shively method. Every time they stepped foot out of the house we told them "Don't have sex." Preferably within earshot of the date. They're all in their 20's now, and so far it seems to have worked.

Before raicha comes along ...

Drywall screws are for pikers. Here's how you REALLY mess with the Chaleria's headbone.

• Get ahold of Dean Haskin's life-size cardboard President Obama. You remember the one.
  
  
• Some sophisticated spring loader, it pops up from horizontal in less than a second.
  
  
• Place it in the road outside her gated community, cover it in gravel so innocent folks don't suspect.
  
  
• Sit in the bushes with a remote control, and wait for her to come along at 30 mph or higher (probably higher, as we know).
  
  
• Hit the button. Obama pops up, right in front of her, with time enough for recognition but not enough time to react.
  
  
• Whap! Instant heart attack!

Yes, I'm evil. Drywall screws, my ass.

Drywall screws? Puhleez!
These were dug out of my tires a few months back.

Ahem. These were pulled out of MY tires, after visiting southern California.

My mom always told us "Wear your rubbers!"

Of course, she had four sons (before she was 25, bless her heart - talk about Catholic!).

Did you find any skeletons to go with those I hope?

I took the roofer nails picture at the tire store. I still have the same tires.

Last fall I wore my dance sneakers as part of my costume in a play, and when I took them home after the last performance, I found a nail stuck in the heel of one of my shoes! Somehow, I'll never know how, I survived this clear assassination attempt. But how long will my luck hold out.....?

Some years ago, I was invited to a friend's daughter's Bat Mitzvah. My shoes were at the shoemaker being resoled, so I dressed in a suit and sneakers and picked up the shoes on the way.

When I arrived at the party I changed shoes, only to find a long cobbler's nail protruding up from within, just itching to pierce my foot. I ended up attending the Bat Mitzvah in a suit and sneakers.