Okay, my bride CallieB and my kids have had one/several for years...not me. I've been resistant; no, I've been adamant. I was never going to be the guy you saw walking into the plaza fountain, or the zoo's hippotamus habitat because he was paying attention to some fool on the phone, and not where he was going. I was never going to be the guy who was blabbing away on the phone while blithely running a red light and T-boning another poor victim (having been the "poor victim" in that exact scenario, had my beloved and built-like-a-tank Subaru turned into a U-shaped near-coffin--I, badly injured but suviving--a tribute to my car, not to my hardy constitution), I actually hardened my rejection of cell phones. And, oh yeah, I replaced my grievously murdered Subaru Outback with a Subaru Outback.

I've never had a desire to "text" anyone, nor to "tweet." I'm sorry...I just am not interested (I also don't do IMs or other 'automated' gatherings). Hell...I don't even participate in "chats," including TFB chats.

I think part of my resistance was tied (and still is) to my ego...if I didn't care about the technology, then it wouldn't be so obvious how intimidated I was by the technology.

Well, the family circumstances being what they are with my Mom, the time has come, and today's the day. The kids are having a terrific time making fun of me for my really ignorant/stupid questions (like: "What's a SIM card?" and "What do you mean, incoming calls count against my minutes??? Bullshit! I can't control incoming calls!" The kids are also snickering among themselves that I decided to start my cell phone ownership history with an iPhone (as in "Dad, you've never had a cell phone. Don't you'd think you'd be more comfortable starting out with a phone that has really BIG buttons, and just does phone calls? Seriously, Pop, get a Jitterbug phone, and work your way up." [Me: "Why in the world would I want to got through 6 renditions of increasingly capable cell phones when I can just start out at the top? It's a sharper learning curve, but hey...why else do I have three smartazz kids?"] It turns out--and I did not realize this before--that our 3 kids (all of whom have had cell phones of increasing complexity since each was about 8) have take some quiet and superior satisfaction from knowing that their ol' fuddy-duddy dad did not have a cell phone, and had no clue.

Happily, the phone comes with an instruction manual. My bride told me (with a sweet but--I suspect a bit patronizing--smooch), "Honey, we'll start you out with phone calls, work our way up to photos, and maybe see about simple texts. Please don't open your twitter account today."

Shhh! Don't tell CallieB and the kids, but it took me about 6 hours today just to select a phone, a plan, and some accessories (and even after all of that, I have no real clue what any of those things are (other than "iPhone, a bunch of minutes plus messaging and data, and home charger, car charger, bluetooth, and case"...whatever the hell any of that means). I'm completely intimidated by the whole thing already. God help me when the freakin' phone actually gets here.

So, am I REALLY the last person in America to get a cell phone?

Yes. My aged father who is much older than me has had an iPhone for years and forwards to me every RWNJ e-mail that he gets (and believes).

yes.

I get it though, Paul. And I rarely have my cell phone on. I can't hear out of it very well, and people get mad at me cuz I CAN'T FREAKIN' HEAR THEM!



But I try to remember to put it in my purse in case I have to call someone.

I don't have one. Never have.

Oh, Christ...you two (Stern and Mimi) are worse than my kids.

And THANK YOU, MaineSkeptic! I AM NOT the last one in America to get a cell phone!

Well ya didn't tell us what ya got.

How can we snark on ya if we don't know?

Yes you are. Skeppy isn't getting one.

E-mail? I can get my e-mail on my cell phone? Good Christ on a crutch! I've been successfully ignoring e-mail (except during my limited business hours) for years. And now I'm going to have no excuse?

WTF have I done?

Well, you may not have e-mail on your cell phone. Especially if you have a $15 limited call model.

Which you may have to bootstrap you gently into the 20th century.

I told ya what I got...an iPhone, a couple of chargers (house and car), a whole bunch of monthly voice minutes, a messaging and web/data plan, a bluetooth thing (I know what it is; I have no clue how it works), a leather case, and they picked up our old landline phone number at our former house, and transferred it to my new cell phone (so that number still connects to us). If there's more to tell you about it, I'm too freakin' ignorant to know it.

Dont have one, never plan to have one, although every other person in my family has one.

I read Cell by Stephen King. (actually my mistrust of them came way before that book came out)

I know an attorney in his late 80s who still works part time. He is on at least his second blackberry. I think he got the first one when his wife became ill several years ago and he needed to be accessible.

I don't think he texts, but I know he uses the email and internet. A few years ago he went to Europe for vacation during baseball season. He is a big Phillies fan so I set him up with an app to keep up with the team - game scores, summaries, etc. He was a big hit on the trip (a group tour with a bunch of other Philadelphians) since he was able to give everyone the baseball update at breakfast each morning.

I'm pretty sure that "a $15 limited call model" is not what I have, but I'm not really sure. It's an iPhone, and comes loaded with a bunch of "apps," most of which I can't identify as to origin and/or purpose. Perhaps in week 3 (or 7), I'll tackle "WTF are all these buttons on my phone?"

I don't have one, either. My reason is a very simple one. They don't work here. Turns out that you need these things called "cell towers" and "infrastructure" to get them to work, and for some reason no phone company has built them. I think it has something to do with living in the center of the biggest state park in the country and all the environmental activist groups have heart attacks when you mention the term "cell tower."

So, since I'm of a practical bent, not to mention parsimonious, I see no reason to shell out money on something like that. I do have fun with the occasional sales pitch, though. Every time they tell me about this terrific deal they're offering, I ask them if by "terrific" they mean "free."

Here's whatcha need, Paul:





http://www.daftgadgets.com/retro-phone- ... ontent=pla

I have a cell phone, but no computer. So don't feel too bad.

Yeah, I can't use mine when I'm in WV for the summer.

I can phone via the intertoobz though.

And my cellphone is crappy. And I don't get email or twitter or anything. I went up a few weeks ago to get a new one, but I had to wait two weeks for my plan to run its course. I didn't go back yet.

I just don't know if I wanna spend the money when I can't use it for half the year.

The cable and internet people let you 'park' your service for $10/month.

I'd like to switch to a minute plan or something for 6 months of the year. When I do go to town (if you can call it a town), I can make calls. But I probably only use my cell phone 20 minutes a month in the summer. If that.

I use skype or google phone.

The good news is, you can keep up with TFB wherever you are.

Yeah...well, maybe YOU can, but you've just gone a mile or two past my capabilities. Perhaps by this time next year, I'll have figured that out.

Yes, I think you may be in the running for that title.

There are a few places where, if you're in the right spot, you can get a signal. That's because there's a couple of major towers the state built years ago, that the cell companies added onto them. The main use of the towers is for state police/forest ranger/fire communications, although NPR also has a repeater on the towers. According to family members who do have cell phones, about all you can really do from them is make phone calls. One of the entertainments is watching people have withdrawals as they walk around frantically looking for a signal. While I now have (years of experience) a pretty good idea of where the hot spots are, I'm not in the mood to drive several miles just so I can make phone calls or something else. So, no cell phone for me.

I don't know if this will help you, Paul but a lot of the learning can be gotten from youtube. Just type in the "how to" you wanta learn about the phone you have and see what come up. If that appeals to you. And of course, you can replay them which can be helpful for brittle older (and novice) brains.

You're not alone, but I know that your first smartphone can be very intimidating.

Remember that first and foremost your iPhone is a cell phone and just start out with learning the basics of calling and receiving a call. If you can do that, you've achieved your main objective.

It will take you a while to remember that when you have your phone with you, you also have a fairly decent still & video camera with you. You can always whip it out and take photos of your family. But, because it's so handy, you can use it to record any information you want to remember. In a store and see a product you might want to buy but need to research further? Take a quick photo of its package and price tag. Shopping for a new sofa? Take photos while you're shopping so you can remember the ones you saw. Out for a walk and see an interesting butterfly? Take a picture, look it up on the internet when you get home.

There are a number of built-in apps, like a music player and Safari, the internet browser. Get familiar with them. After you've played some, you may want to buy other apps. There are a lot of free apps, and a lot for just 99 cents. Start out with those. What kind of apps might you want to buy? I live in Minnesota where we get some nasty thunderstorms in the summer, so I have a couple of really good weather radar apps. My brother is a physician and loves an app which essentially turns his iPhone into a photocopier. The iPhone camera can take excellent photos of documents (letters, reports, receipts, business cards). The app he has can convert them to pdf files. I think it does optical character recognition too. He showed that to my sister who's an author. She does a lot of research for her non-fiction books and this app will allow her to copy pages from books at the library instead of using the library's copier.

Talk to a person with similar interests, a co-worker for example or other peer, and ask what they use their iPhone for. They'll probably enjoy showing you the apps they find most helpful and/or fun. The more you can use your phone for, the more you'll enjoy owning it.

By the way, I don't own an iPhone. I have an iPod Touch which is mostly like an iPhone without the phone and with a lesser quality camera. But I think they're alike in that you register a credit card with the iPhone and then you can charge apps and music downloads to that charge card. I ran into credit card theft right after I registered my card and blame, right or wrong, Apple. I got a new card and did not register that with Apple. Instead, you can buy $25 iTune cards (or other denominations) and register them and use them for apps and music. That's the route I've gone now.

Have fun!

I have had a pre-paid cell phone for many years, but it's a dumb phone. No reason to turn it on except for an emergency like last weekend trying to find my lost puppy. So, I may be one of the last people not to have a smart phone. I have used it so little that I have accumulated a huge amount of rolled over minutes. I charge twice a year whether it needs it or not.