I believe I have found the script for Orly's performance art.

Mikedunford · **Posted:** Fri Apr 05, 2013 3:48 pm

And it comes from the current Chief Judge of the Ninth Circuit, Alex Kozinski. Go read his 1992 article "The Wrong Stuff," and then tell me what you think.

Here's just one quote of many that directly apply to things we've seen from Orly:

Quote:

So, if you do things just right, you will submit an enormous brief with narrow margins and tiny type, copied with a defective photocopier onto dingy pages, half of which are bound upside down with a fastener that gives way when the judge is trying to read the brief at 35,000 feet.

Piffle · **Posted:** Fri Apr 05, 2013 4:23 pm

That's brilliant and hilarious, Mike. And soooo true.

I'd be inclined to believe that you've actually found Orly's road map if only I could also believe that her attention span is long enough to have read and digested the whole piece. :-bd

Volkonski · **Posted:** Fri Apr 05, 2013 4:27 pm

Wow. It's as if Orly had studied this article in detail and then deliberately put its advice into practice.

Jim · **Joined:** Fri May 04, 2012 4:05 pm **Posts:** 219

Wonderful find...thanks for sharing! It's like he was writing about Orly the whole time!!! =))

ZekeB · **Posted:** Fri Apr 05, 2013 5:20 pm

Quote:

First, you want to tell the judges right up front that you
have a rotten case. The best way to do this is to write a fat
brief. So if the rules give you 50 pages, ask for 75, 90, 125-the
more the better. Even if you don't get the extra pages, you will
let the judges know you don't have an argument capable of
being presented in a simple, direct, persuasive fashion. Keep in
mind that simple arguments are winning arguments;
convoluted arguments are sleeping pills on paper.

Mark · **Posted:** Fri Apr 05, 2013 6:54 pm

"Assemble your brief so that every other page reads upside down. This is likely to induce motion sickness and it's always a fine idea to have the judge associate your argument with nausea."

Orly has mastered (for the most part) the art of making sure that no pages are upside down. Now, if she could only master how not to induce nausea...

Sterngard Friegen · **Posted:** Fri Apr 05, 2013 7:03 pm

Great find. Finally something Taitz follows slavishly.

Norbrook · **Posted:** Fri Apr 05, 2013 7:32 pm

I'm terribly disappointed. :swoon:

Here I thought Orly was blazing new trails of incompetence, and it turns out that she was only following the textbook for incompetence. =((

On the other hand, who knew that Orly actually read a textbook? :-k

Skip Intro · **Posted:** Fri Apr 05, 2013 7:41 pm

I believe you've found the entire curriculum of the William Howard Taft Law School of the Innertubes. Congrats on a great find, and thanks for saving all of us future failed lawyers a boatload of money in tuition.

jonbeck · **Posted:** Fri Apr 05, 2013 7:47 pm

Kozinski is hilarious. A friend of mine's daughter is clerking in the 9th circuit and got to do breakfast with him.

bob · **Posted:** Fri Apr 05, 2013 7:51 pm

jonbeck wrote:

Kozinski is hilarious.

Kozinski is mercurial.

Further affiant sayeth naught. :-#

Maybenaut · **Posted:** Fri Apr 05, 2013 8:00 pm

Maybe if someone sent this to Orly and told her it was the revised Court Rules, she might do the opposite and finally start getting things right...

ZekeB · **Posted:** Fri Apr 05, 2013 8:24 pm

Maybenaut wrote:

Maybe if someone sent this to Orly and told her it was the revised Court Rules, she might do the opposite and finally start getting things right...

Doubtful. It's written in plain English.

Geritol · **Joined:** Mon Aug 22, 2011 3:11 pm **Posts:** 26

bob wrote:

jonbeck wrote:

Kozinski is hilarious.

Kozinski is mercurial.

Further affiant sayeth naught. :-#

I interviewed him years ago and found him to be both.

vic · **Posted:** Fri Apr 05, 2013 9:49 pm

OMG!

I cannot believe this is real. One of you real lawyers (Sterngard, I'm thinking of you) must have used the TARDIS to provide an OrlyBrief to Kozinski.

page 328 (4 of the PDF):

Quote:

You can always create a diversion by attacking the district judge. You might start out by suggesting that he must be on the take because he ruled against you.

Sterngard Friegen · **Posted:** Fri Apr 05, 2013 10:14 pm

Pffft. Taitz goes off-script and claims the judge was threatened or is a traitor.

Joseph Robidoux III · **Posted:** Fri Apr 05, 2013 10:25 pm

ZekeB wrote:

Quote:

First, you want to tell the judges right up front that you
have a rotten case. The best way to do this is to write a fat
brief. So if the rules give you 50 pages, ask for 75, 90, 125-the
more the better. Even if you don't get the extra pages, you will
let the judges know you don't have an argument capable of
being presented in a simple, direct, persuasive fashion. Keep in
mind that simple arguments are winning arguments;
convoluted arguments are sleeping pills on paper.

Number the pages in your submittal 1-38, then 22-35 and if needed, then 17-50. The judge will be so overwhelmed by your presentation he'll lose count and never notice the 80+ pages. Eazy peazy.

ProudObot · **Posted:** Fri Apr 05, 2013 11:27 pm

Mikedunford wrote:

And it comes from the current Chief Judge of the Ninth Circuit, Alex Kozinski. Go read his 1992 article "The Wrong Stuff," and then tell me what you think.

Here's just one quote of many that directly apply to things we've seen from Orly:

Quote:

So, if you do things just right, you will submit an enormous brief with narrow margins and tiny type, copied with a defective photocopier onto dingy pages, half of which are bound upside down with a fastener that gives way when the judge is trying to read the brief at 35,000 feet.

Mike, are you sure you're studying too, also? You somehow keep finding perfect gems like this in your spare time. This may be the bestest find evah. :-bd

Mikedunford · **Posted:** Fri Apr 05, 2013 11:48 pm

ProudObot wrote:

Mikedunford wrote:

And it comes from the current Chief Judge of the Ninth Circuit, Alex Kozinski. Go read his 1992 article "The Wrong Stuff," and then tell me what you think.

Here's just one quote of many that directly apply to things we've seen from Orly:

Quote:

So, if you do things just right, you will submit an enormous brief with narrow margins and tiny type, copied with a defective photocopier onto dingy pages, half of which are bound upside down with a fastener that gives way when the judge is trying to read the brief at 35,000 feet.

Mike, are you sure you're studying too, also? You somehow keep finding perfect gems like this in your spare time. This may be the bestest find evah. :-bd

This was assigned reading this week, believe it or not.

ProudObot · **Posted:** Fri Apr 05, 2013 11:56 pm

Mikedunford wrote:

ProudObot wrote:

Mike, are you sure you're studying too, also? You somehow keep finding perfect gems like this in your spare time. This may be the bestest find evah. :-bd

This was assigned reading this week, believe it or not.

If true, that makes it even funnier! Must have been a hysterical class discussion. Did Orly's name come up? Inquiring minds want to know. ;;)

No Pilikia · **Posted:** Sat Apr 06, 2013 3:48 am

&

to UH Richardson Law School for assigning that to your reading list! What a hoot! On behalf of us non-lawyer Fogbowers, I send a huge Mahalo to you for sharing that. For a civilian like me, it's become a bit scary to realize that the USA has some really stupid lawyers practicing their craft. Orly being the worst I've seen so far, of course. The Birther Queen is just an astounding incongruity. It has become impossible to believe that she actually passed the CA Bar exam.

Foggy · **Posted:** Sat Apr 06, 2013 6:57 am

I happen to still be slowly making my way through Gideon's Trumpet (and four books about web development). In Gideon's Trumpet, the guy who makes the brilliant (and winning) Supreme Court argument is ... Abe Fortas. So it was a little jarring to read the first two pages.

wrote:

Pffft. Taitz goes off-script and claims the judge was threatened or is a traitor.

That's not off-script. [-X

That's ^superscript. Poor Kozinski. If only he had only known about TWLITHOTU, he could have done a much better job in writing that speech. :-({|=

His problem was that he was at a huge disadvantage: He was sadly inexperienced. He incorporated all the worst things he knew a lawyer could do, but all the other bad lawyers he'd ever seen hadn't even scratched the surface. Not a one of 'em could hold a candle to TWLITHOTU.

It's like people who played the guitar before Jimi Hendrix came along, only in reverse. Nobody back in those days had any idea how bad a lawyer could really be, until Taitz came along to show us.

I'm tellin' ya, if Kozinski had another crack at it, he wouldn't need to amalgamate a lot of disparate incidents he'd seen over the years. He'd have the whole damn package, and more, from one licensed attorney.

Hokay! :rockon:

Sterngard Friegen · **Posted:** Sat Apr 06, 2013 9:12 am

Why did you misspell my name :sterngard:

Foogie?

Falsehoods unchallenged only fester and grow.

I believe I have found the script for Orly's performance art.

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