Well, here goes-

ORLY! THE MUSICAL!!

ORLY! THE MUSICAL!!

A tragicomedy in two acts.

Setting- The USA during the second term of President Barack Obama

Scene 1-

After Obama's second inauguration the Birther Movement is on the decline. In a public square outside a courtroom a crowd of diehard birthers awaits the results of the hearing going on inside. They sing-

The Big Opening Number
(tune- Everything's Up to Date in Kansas City from Oklahoma)

We went to Birther City back in '08
By every means we've tried the thing to do
But up 'till now we haven't had victory
And now we fear there's no one left to sue
Obama is not a natural citizen by birth
Marxist Muslim fraud who stole the show
But when we showed our proofs no one did anything
And what we can do more we just don't know!
What next! What next?

Everything's all but moot in Birther City
We've gone about as far as we can go.
We went and took some big lawsuits to the Supreme Court
But they denied, we've got nothing to show.
Everything's now a bust in Birther City
Obama's once more sworn-in don't you know?
We must see that usurpator on whenever we watch the news
With every day that passes birthers continue to lose
We have begged the Congress for their help and always they refuse!
We've gone about as far as we can go.
We've gone about as far as we can go.

Three BOTG from The Fogbow exit the courthouse and take up a position stage right from where they discreetly observe the birthers and take notes. A group of Flying Monkeys separates from the crowd of birthers and surrounds Orly as she exits the courthouse.

Three BOTG from The Fogbow exit the courthouse and take up a position stage right from where they discreetly observe the birthers and take notes. A group of Flying Monkeys separates from the crowd of birthers and surrounds Orly as she exits the courthouse.

The Song of the Flying Monkeys
(tune- Herod's Song from Jesus Christ Superstar)

Orly, we are overjoyed to meet you face to face.
You've been getting quite a name all around the place.
Filing lawsuits, giving us our say.
And now we see you're on TV,
Or will be soon someday.

Yes, you are Ms Taitz, you're the great Orly Taitz.
Lawyer, dentist, realtor too; there's nothing you cannot do.
Obama is through, yes we know it's all true.
Come on, Great Birther Queen.

Orly, you just won't believe the hit you've made around here.
You are all we talk about, a wonder for five years.
Oh what a pity, if your cert.'s denied.
Still, we're sure that you can breach the SCOTUS if you try.

'Cause, you are Ms Taitz, you're the great Orly Taitz.
Prove to us that you're no fool; serve subpoenas by the rules.
If you do that you'll see, you'll get discovery.
Come on, Great Birther Queen.

{Instrumental interlude during which the Flying Monkeys do a happy dance}

We only ask what we'd ask any Birther Queen,
When is it that you'll frog-march Obama off the scene?
We are waiting, yes we're your biggest fans.
We're dying to be shown that you are now the one who can.

So, since you are Ms Taitz, yes the great Orly Taitz.
Make the Congress kick him out.
You can do it we've no doubt.
But has something gone wrong.
Why do you take so long?
Come on, Great Birther Queen.

{Ominous-sounding Chord!}

Hey! Obama's not gone! Taitz?
Hey Ms Wonderful Taitz?
You're a joke. You're just a hack.
You all want our money back.
Taitz go away.
You're a failure today!
Get out you "Great Birther",
Get out "Great Birther",
Oh get out you "Great Birther Queen"!
Get out of here!
Get out of here you,
Get out of our lives.

After some unintelligible screeching, Orly attempts to rally her discouraged Flying Monkeys-

Discovery
(tune-Aquarius from Hair)

When standing is achieved in the courts,
And subpoenas are served you'll see,
The courts will hear our lawsuits,
We'll get Discovery!

Yes we will start off on the time of Discovery!
The time of Discovery!
Discovery!
Discovery!

Forged long forms and SS records,
Hidden plots and lies astounding,
All three hundred John and Jane Does,
We'll find out the secrets they know,
Massive crime-rid revelations,
Will cause White House liberation.
Discovery!
Discovery!

When standing is achieved in the courts,
And subpoenas are served you'll see,
The courts will hear our lawsuits,
We'll get Discovery!

'Twill be the dawning of the time of Discovery
The time of Discovery
Discovery!
Discovery!

Orly leaves for the airport. She, the Flying Monkeys and the other birthers exit stage left.

The BOTG Obots from The Fogbow take center stage-


Song of the BOTG (Fogbower Obots)
(tune- Three Little Maids from The Mikado)

Three Fogbower Obots are we
Grounded in true reality
Rational folks who nonsense flee.
Three Fogbower Obots

Birther junk now has reached new lows
Orly's a pest, whom we must oppose
All of their lies we will expose
Three Fogbower Obots

Three Fogbowers dressed in blue blazers
Armed with a foolproof fact appraiser
We just apply old Occam's Razor
Three Fogbower Obots
Three Fogbower Obots

Some Fogbowers are all lawyers bright
The Fogbow waits for details tonight
We three will update the online site
Three Fogbower Obots
Three Fogbower Obots

Birthers just persist, won't go away
Making more trouble every day
They say they'll succeed now any day
Despite Fogbow Obots
Despite Fogbow Obots

Three Fogbowers dressed in blue blazers
Armed with a foolproof fact appraiser
We just apply old Occam's Razor
Three Fogbower Obots
Three Fogbower Obots!

The Fogbowers exit stage right walking toward a nice restaurant with free WiFi to post BOTG updates.

Curtain

Musical interlude

Scene 2-

Orly is in an airport lounge area late at night waiting for a red-eye flight. For no apparent reason she starts singing (to herself and to anyone who gets too near to her)-

12 Lawsuit Claims
(tune- The Twelve Days of Christmas)

Oh the first time I filed suit,
my claims included these-
A false birth form photocopy!

Oh the second time I filed suit,
my claims included these-
Two passports forged,
And a false birth form photocopy!

Oh the third time I filed suit,
my claims included these-
Three Kenyans,
Two passports forged,
And a false birth form photocopy!

Oh the fourth time I filed suit,
my claims included these-
Four sealed transcripts,
Three Kenyans,
Two passports forged,
And a false birth form photocopy!

As the repetitive song continues, fellow passengers and airport workers start joining in (no, it doesn't make any sense but this is a musical show).

Oh the fifth time I filed suit,
my claims included these-
Five RICO claims,
Four sealed transcripts,
Three Kenyans,
Two passports forged,
And a false birth form photocopy!

Oh the sixth time I filed suit,
my claims included these-
Six phony draft cards,
Five RICO claims,
Four sealed transcripts,
Three Kenyans,
Two passports forged,
And a false birth form photocopy!

Oh the seventh time I filed suit,
my claims included these-
Seven corrupt judges,
Six phony draft cards,
Five RICO claims,
Four sealed transcripts,
Three Kenyans,
Two passports forged,
And a false birth form photocopy!

Oh the eighth time I filed suit,
my claims included these-
Eight fake SS cards,
Seven corrupt judges,
Six phony draft cards,
Five RICO claims,
Four sealed transcripts,
Three Kenyans,
Two passports forged,
And a false birth form photocopy!

Oh the ninth time I filed suit,
my claims included these-
Nine cheating court clerks,
Eight fake SS cards,
Seven corrupt judges,
Six phony draft cards,
Five RICO claims,
Four sealed transcripts,
Three Kenyans,
Two passports forged,
And a false birth form photocopy!

Oh the tenth time I filed suit,
my claims included these-
Ten ex parte motions,
Nine cheating court clerks,
Eight fake SS cards,
Seven corrupt judges,
Six phony draft cards,
Five RICO claims,
Four sealed transcripts,
Three Kenyans,
Two passports forged,
And a false birth form photocopy!

Oh the eleventh time I filed suit,
my claims included these-
Eleven recused lawyers,
Ten ex parte motions,
Nine cheating court clerks,
Eight fake SS cards,
Seven corrupt judges,
Six phony draft cards,
Five RICO claims,
Four sealed transcripts,
Three Kenyans,
Two passports forged,
And a false birth form photocopy!

Oh the twelfth time I filed suit,
my claims included these-
Twelve hundred John Does,
Eleven recused lawyers,
Ten ex parte motions,
Nine cheating court clerks,
Eight fake SS cards,
Seven corrupt judges,
Six phony draft cards,
Five RICO claims,
Four sealed transcripts,
Three Kenyans,
Two passports forged,
And a false birth form photocopy!

As the song ends, Orly's flight is called.

Wow! Methinks you're having fun!

Wonderful! Would we have to go to Moldova to find the actor to play L'Orly?

BRAVO!

Dude.

Wow, I smell Tony ... uh, I smell A Tony.

Thank you, thank you.

Guess I better get busy and finish Act 1.

No, it will be easier than that. The title role in ORLY! will be perfect for actresses who have grown a bit too old and a bit too hoarse to play Evita!. But only a bit. Discovery will need a good strong voice.

AWESOME!

Marvelous! Great! Fabulous! You could be writing for The Capitol Steps, as your lyrics are wonderful spoofs on the originals, just as their's are.

I think Carol Channing would make an outstanding Orly in your production. She's got the same hair and almost the same screechy voice. Could you somehow work in "Hello, Orly" ?

Bravo! Too. Also.

But please end with a different (original) number: "Goodbye, Orly"?

Love the "Goodbye, Orly" idea, Sam. Volkonski, could you do this for us and for the world? I can visualize an ending where the entire cast and audience sings your new masterpiece and then exits, leaving Dr Mrs Orly Taitz Esquire standing alone on the stage. As the single spotlight on her fades away into darkness, she can still be heard screeeeeching, "Let me feeeeenish".

Also, too. Is there a nickname we can use for you, or do you prefer your full, formal name? Inquiring minds would like to know.

Scene 3

Somewhere in a very red state in a rundown senior center or a cheap diner where disgruntled old white guys hang out (they are gray, bald, overweight, scruffy.....so, this is the number in which I would make a cameo appearance if this ever becomes a major motion picture) They sit around complaining-

The Old Days
(tune- Gee, I Wish I was Back in the Army from White Christmas)

When I was very young
To simple truths I clung
Folks all had a pure WASP point of view
I thought that I was then
The happiest of men
But now sadly is not that world I knew

Gee, I wish I was back in the Old Days
The Old Days weren't really bad at all
Worked every day
For fairly decent pay
Never needed any school at all.

There's a lot to be said for the Old Days
When blacks and women really knew their place.
When black folk stepped aside
Whenever we'd walk by
And always someone lower down whose worth you could deride.
Oh, gee, I wish I was back in the Old Days

There's a lot to be said for the Old Days
The people were all real Americans
No lesser people tried
To cross the great divide
Those other folk stayed over on the town's old run down side
Oh, gee, I wish I was back in the Old Days

Gee, I wish I was back in the Old Days
The government was white exclusively
How we would cheer when Wallace would appear
Hardly, any leader was a she

There's a lot to be said for the Old Days
The best white doctors watched you carefully
A dentist in white gown
You knew was not some clown
But every doctor now's some type of fifty shades of brown
Oh, gee, I wish I was back in the Old Days

{brief musical interlude}

No lesser people tried
To cross the great divide
A dentist in white gown
You knew was not some clown
My sad country is now run by some Muslim's spawn
And now our hopes are in a Jewish Moldovan
Oh, gee
I wish I was back in the Old Days now!

Fade to black

Scene 4
Lights come up.

Orly is at her PC.

She sings-

(tune- Everything's Coming Up Roses from Gypsy)

I had a dream, a dream about Obama.
It's gonna come true, I say.
They think that I'm through, but no way.

(Orly jumps up and confronts the audience)

It's a crime! It's treason!
Gonna make all those courts see reason!
Starting here, starting now,
Oh yes, I'm going to get that usurper!

Clear the decks! Call the press!
The whole nation is now in distress!
He's Hitler. He's Stalin.
Somehow, I'm going to get that usurper!

Now's my inning. Stand the world on its ear!
Set it spinning! This'll be just the beginning!

Curtain up! Light the lights!
I will fight like the Teutonic knights!
I'll be swell. I'll be great.
I can tell. Just you wait.
That Indonesian false faker will fall!
Oh yes, I'm going to get that usurper for once and for all!

I can do it, all I need is more cash.
I can do it, Orly is gonna see to it!

Curtain up! Light the lights!
I will fight like the Teutonic knights!
I can tell, wait and see.
Ring the bell! Look at me!
And nothing's gonna stop me 'til he's through!
Oh yes, I'm going to get that usurper and kick him out!
I'm going to get that usurper into prison!
Everything's gonna be bright lights and TV time!
I'm going to get that usurper you know that its true!

Curtain falls on Act 1